The End of Ra Ra? Tony Robbins, #metoo and compassion

The End of Ra Ra? Tony Robbins, #metoo and compassion

A Viral Video

I’m writing at a time when Tony Robbins, the well-known personal development guru is being slammed all over the internet for disparaging the #MeToo movement. A video has gone viral which was taken at one of his events that shows a woman standing up to him on his views. So in this article, I will be examining Tony Robbins, #metoo and asking if this is a new opportunity for compassion. 

We don’t know exactly what was said just before the video that started the whole discussion but the clip begins with audience member, Nanine McCool explaining to Robbins that he might have misunderstood what the #metoo movement was all about. Robbins quickly interrupts her and explains what he thinks the movement is all about – people holding onto victimhood and trying to gain significance.

Misunderstanding?

So far in the conversation, you can just about put a case that he hasn’t fully understood what the movement is about and that he is asking people to not hold on to the victimhood mentality as it doesn’t get them anywhere. He does state firmly that he believes some people are using this movement to attack people to gain “a drug called significance to make yourself feel good”.

At one point in the video, Robbins physically pushes McCool back several feet and tells her not to push back to demonstrate his point that pushing back never works. Perhaps he has used this exercise successfully before before but in this context the towering man over the much smaller woman being pushed by him came across as intimidating and in a way demonstrating what the #metoo movement is about: powerful men and women using their physicality to overpower and intimidate women and men who are not as strong as them.

Even so far, you may characterise him as simply misunderstanding everything.

Victim/ Perpetrator Confusion?

Yet if you look at what he says next, there is no doubt that he believes the #metoo movement is bad. He explains that he knows powerful men, dozens of them apparently, who are not hiring well-qualified women over their male, less-qualified counterparts because the women are so attractive that they are seen as too much of a risk.

Amazing! Apart from the fact that he is basically describing illegal, discriminatory practices, he is confirming so much of what women already suspect – that we are judged on our looks and perhaps other factors such as fertility over and above whether or not we can actually do the job.

It is this statement of Robbins that is particularly offensive. It might also suggest that he himself has perpetrated some acts that he may not feel so comfortable with speaking up about. In fact, earlier in the video he tries to get the room on board with him by getting people to raise their hand if they have done something that they feel guilty about. I am personally not aware of any accusations against Robbins of any kind so this is purely a speculation based on his behaviour in this clip.

The Nature of Victimhood

Tony Robbins #metoo

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I have personally never been drawn to his brand of personal development and his courses of any sort, although I did read one of his books years ago. I do recognise that in general, he seems to help a lot of people.

But in this article, I wish to discuss the earlier statements in the viral video with Nanine McCool – that he recommends that we do not stay in victimhood because I think there are many opportunities here to understand how to be more compassionate with each other.

When saying that people, shouldn’t choose victimhood, Robbins is talking about people who are victims of sexual assault and harassment. The woman who stood up to him, McCool, actually made a video on Youtube in which she described how she was sexually abused as a child. In fact, she demonstrates how much she has not stayed in victimhood because she is strong enough to have stood up to him.

But even if she was dwelling on things, does Robbins really suggest that as a person who was molested as a child that she should have immediately brushed it off and moved on? And that nobody should push back against child molesters and rapists because it doesn’t make us any safer?

The Shadow Self of Tony Robbins?

In the backlash against him, he has come out with something interesting that may be the key to not only understanding his behaviour that day but his whole philosophy. He said that he too was also molested as a child.

I think this may be the key to why he behaved in this way. I suddenly see a man in so much pain that he himself cannot process his own emotions. I haven’t said this publicly but part of the reason why I wrote The Genius Groove is that I saw a video with Tony Robbins in which he described how you shouldn’t dwell on your emotions and rise above them. This is the exact opposite of what my message is all about.

Facing the shadow

I have found over the years that unless you face these emotions when you are ready and strong enough to do so, they can have powerful effects on your life. We are actually a fabric of consciousness. I think that below the speed of light this consciousness can have charge and polarity. These are emotions and they are not some extraneous nebulous thing – they are who we are and they make up our very vibration. We all know from the law of attraction and sympathetic vibratory physics that like vibrations attract, so these vibrations are attracting what our lives are made up of.

So if we work on our emotions and truly resolve buried issues, from a vibrational perspective this will change the very fabric of who we are. But if you take Robbins’ advice you are just plastering over the cracks. It may work for a while but after some time your buried emotions will resurface.

Elevation and avoidance

Putting all this together I think perhaps Robbins is working from a place of severe avoidance of his own pain. He is telling everyone not to go into victimhood because he cannot connect to his own victimhood. He has learnt a strategy of not dealing with his emotions but elevating himself and pushing himself harder rather than facing those shadow aspects.

In a way, this reflects his whole career – to make a different ‘choice’, rather than face the shadow. His whole teachings can be seen in a new light of pushing himself into an elevated state in order to escape the pain of his own abuse. That might be why he reacted so badly because facing the true victimisation of people who have been abused and are standing up and discussing it, would be like facing himself and that is too painful. So perhaps that is why he interrupted McCool so quickly.

An opportunity for compassion

Tony Robbins #metoo

Image: Pixabay

In any case, it is a lesson for all of us that we need to truly understand each other. If someone has indeed been the victim of sexual assault, they are indeed a victim (at the 3D level in any case). They have had something done to them which they have no control over. It is up to them how they heal and it is is going to be different for everyone. Nobody can tell them that they need to get out of victimhood if they need more time to heal.

And if, because of our current changing attitudes, that person is emboldened to speak out against the perpetrator who has, after all, committed a crime, then we should support them, not slam the victim. Robbins is actually making the people accused of the assault and even the ones interviewing people for jobs into the victims. The victims of beautiful women trying to get a job and of being caught out for what they have actually done. Don’t forget we are speaking about the perpetrators of crimes here – job discrimination and sexual assault. Yet the actual victims of the crimes he shows no sympathy for in this clip.

I am glad that this has come to light for many reasons. Maybe Robbins will now actually take the time to understand the #metoo movement and has indeed pledged this. He has also modelled for us some of the prevailing attitudes that some people brush incidents of sexual assault under the carpet and blame the victim when they try and stand up.

I suspect also, as I outlined earlier, that due to his own abuse when he was a child he is avoiding facing his shadow emotions about this. Perhaps this is compounded by feeling that, as a man, he is unable to face his emotions about his abuse as many other men also feel unable to do.

The End of Ra Ra?

I think the way to move forward is not to vilify Robbins but to maybe understand where he might be coming from – his own emotional landscape and drives and how he is mirroring certain attitudes in our society. We need to make it safer for men and women to come forward and face when they have been sexually abused otherwise, they may not just want to put a cap on their own emotions but shut up anybody else who might trigger them.

Tony Robbins #metoo

Image: Shutterstock

Exploring emotions are the key to moving forward. So maybe this is the death of the Ra Ra when it means elevating your mood and attitude as an act of denial of emotional shadow. Papering over the cracks of your emotions and pretending they don’t exist is not going to work because, like with Robbins, they will eventually rise up to the surface to be looked at just as his emotional shadow has now.

I know this is a controversial topic and I appreciate respectful comments below. 

Images: Creative Commons, Shutterstock

Digital Nomad vs The Genius Groove

Digital Nomad vs The Genius Groove

You probably can’t help but notice that in the last decade or so there has been a rise in what is called The Digital Nomad. This is when a person has a lifestyle that is location independent. People work from a laptop whilst travelling the world.

It is all about freedom and I have indeed geared my own life towards location independence myself. I have also been observing others who are living the digital nomad lifestyle and have come to understand a few things in relation to The Genius Groove so in this article we shall look at Digital Nomad vs The Genius Groove.

1. Travel in of itself is not your Genius Groove.

Digital Nomad vs Genius Groove

First, let’s get this out of the way. Travel can be wonderful; I would never tell anyone not to travel. It is one of the best ways to really transform who you are as you experience different cultures. This is especially true if you never left your country of origin whilst you were a child. So travelling can be a form of personal development in itself.

Some people thrive on constant travel. But do I think travel of itself is a Genius Groove? No, I don’t. The Genius Groove is about bringing through your unique creativity and although aspects of travelling constantly may be very creative, as an activity, travelling in of itself probably doesn’t lead to much creativity.

It could enable something creative – maybe you write better on a beach in Bali or love to compose music on a plane, but I don’t think the act of travelling is a person’s main Genius Groove, although it is very important. You are not creating, as such, just by moving your physical body from one place to another.

2. The Constant Search vs The Genius Groove.

It is said that to perfect any skill you need at least 10,000 hours of practice. I have discussed in the book The Genius Groove at length of how those who feel connected to the field in a particular activity are more likely to actually put in those hours.

To really be in your Genius Groove is actually quite focused. From having a wide range of activities suddenly someone may do one or two activities a day. And they are happy to be that way because they have found their joy. It is this that keeps people going even when the going gets tough.

But what I have sometimes witnessed of digital nomadism is the opposite – a constant experimenting with many different activities. And while that is absolutely wonderful and a type of creativity in itself, I get the sense that the people doing this are actually searching for a connection to something.

So they are trying on lots of hats to see what will fit, which is great and it is so wonderful that they can do this but it is not The Genius Groove. Being in The Genus Groove is often about practising a few activities for long periods of time. By doing this, the connection builds up to the point where the activity seems effortless.

I know in my own life, initially when I did talks I would feel a flutter of excitement and nervousness. Now I know that when I get talking – something kicks in and I am in the zone. It is through sheer years of practice and focus that my connection to the field has becomes so strong that I know I can just speak and something will come.

That deep practice for years to hone my art is the opposite of the experimentation that can accompany digital nomadism. Again there is nothing wrong with it at all – I am simply saying that this is not necessarily the same as being in your Genius Groove.

A Groovy Nomad?

Digital Nomad vs Genius Groove

So is there a way that you can be in your Genius Groove and be a Digital Nomad? Of course, you can be location independent and have a Genius Groove that you can do on the road and that pays money enough to sustain this lifestyle – even if that means a few hundred dollars a month because you’re living in Bangkok.

But just because someone is a digital nomad, it does not mean they have found nirvana and know who they truly are. Also just because someone is in their Genius Groove and remain close to their collection of grand pianos because this is where they feel joy, it doesn’t make them less than someone who travels.

Our connection to the universe occurs from within our own souls and that can happen from anywhere in the world (or universe). Our spirituality is truly location independent! So the digital nomad trend, although fantastic, is also a stepping stone for us to transition to a life where everybody is in their creativity and Genius Groove and living the way they want to.

If you want to know more about The Genius Groove click here.

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Your authentic message

Your authentic message

So you are in touch with your authentic message, but you just don’t know how to connect with people. Here are some common mistakes to avoid and some guidance – things I have learnt along the way in my speaking and writing career.

 

The Coffee Shop Conspiracy

I’ve seen it happen dozens of times. When someone has something they want to publicise they carefully print a load of leaflets – sometimes to great expense. They talk to all the kind coffee shop owners who agree to put their leaflets out on the coffee bar. They send out press releases. They book a time and a venue and then they wait: sure that their shiny new leaflets will have a great response.

And nothing happens, nobody comes. By this time the person is out of pocket by a significant amount having printed the leaflets and hired the venue complete with teas and coffees. Humiliated, they give up and never try to publicise their event or product again.

Medical leaflet

Image: Graphic Stock

From social to coffee shops 

Then, along came social media. We were told that this is the new Holy Grail. I have seen authors ponder for weeks before finally signing for a twitter account suspicious of the genre. Then they start to tweet. And again nothing happens. Tweeting becomes then the online equivalent of leaving loads of leaflets in a coffee shop.

All of these methods, be it leaflets in a coffee shop or tweeting to the wide world have something in common. You are sending your message out to people who haven’t told you that they are interested hoping that some of the message is going to stick.

Who is ready to receive you?

It is far better to target your message to people whom you know are going to have some interest in you before developing a long term relationship with them before you actually sell them anything.

By the time that this happens, your audience should be ready and understand who you are so will consider what you have to offer. Gradually they should also trust you and believe the product is going to be something that they want from the free content that you have already given to them.

Creating your Customer Avatar 

The internet is awash with advice on how to find your target market. Often the advice is to break this down into a theoretical person or avatar. Imagine who they are – male or female? What is their name, where do they hang out either online or offline? Slowly you can build up a picture of your customer avatar and their wants and needs. Why do you think they will be interested in your authentic message?

Customer Avatar

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If you have found this message useful keep in touch with ‘How to be a Spiritual Expert in a Material World’ on Facebook dedicated to helping people of the spiritual persuasion with their authentic message and mission.

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